AN OPEN LETTER TO: MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear Younger Self,

   As I write you this letter I want you to understand that I admire the woman you will become. I understand that times may be difficult as of now, but I am here to let you know that those insecurities you are facing will not last a lifetime. As you continuously build on your character and your independence as a woman those same insecurities will descend into a mere figment of your imagination.  I know you may possibly be in tears right now asking yourself “why God created you to be distinctly unique from the rest of the women in society”. I want you to under that the fear of “abnormality” is common throughout most individuals in the world. As human beings we fabricate an ideal image of what it means to be physically and mentally “perfect”. We feed off the mindset of society as a whole to formulate a sense of stability and aesthetic that is standard to society’s definition. It is because of these societal standards of beauty and physique that as you progress there will be moments in time where you will deprive yourself of joy and fulfillment because you feel afraid and out of place.  I am here to let you know that you don’t have to be afraid.

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 Don’t be afraid speak your mind! Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself! Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that even though Turner syndrome is condition it is something that only affects you physically. You are intelligent, adept, and your resilience enables you to prevail over any adversities that may trouble you. Don’t be afraid to address individuals who are unaware of your condition and inform them that you are a human being. As a human being you were not designed to be emotionless.  Don’t be afraid to let someone know when they offended you in any particular way, shape, form, or fashion. Don’t be so cynical towards a person’s intentions. Sometimes a person’s intent is not to be offensive, and they could be ignorant to the nature of your condition.  Most importantly don’t conceal your condition. Embrace it! Your condition is a significant part of your identity, and concealing it would be concealing a notable part of who you are as an individual. Never let anyone have the satisfaction of deprecating your character to where you feel you have nothing to offer the world.

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  I want you to understand that as you find satisfaction within friendships and relationships with your family and relatives, you will realize that there are individuals who love and accept you just the way you are. Individuals who are able to look beyond your outward appearance and find that the true substance of your character comes from within. I understand that everything is a work in progress, but I want to let you know that I will be here to guide you through every step of the way.  

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 Sincerely,

Your secret admirer

AN OPEN LETTER TO: DEPRESSION

Hey Depression,

I was going to tell you that you should take a seat before you read this, but it honestly might not even take that long.

I remember the first time I came across your presence: I was five, and my dad didn't show up to my kindergarten stepping up ceremony. At first I thought it was Disappointment, but I couldn't tell the difference between you two at the time. Aren't you two like cousins, or something? It was really funny how my dad didn't bother to come, but my mom showed up, my grandma showed up, my dad's brother showed up, my dad's dad showed up...and so did you. I didn't invite you, so you shouldn't have been there. I didn't even know who you really were until I was older.

Then, you came knocking at my door when I was eight years old, when my mom and sister got into this huge blowout, causing my sister to runaway. You made smaller appearances in my life as well like when I was bullied, talked down to, discouraged, and more.

Then came a point in my life - I think I was about thirteen - where I felt like I couldn't get rid of you. It's like you were stalking me. You know those annoying flies that fly into your room and even though you open the window as an open invitation for it to leave, it just wouldn't get the hint? Yeah, that.

You were as good for me as a flesh eating virus, as painless as pouring salt in a fresh wound, and as subtle as a C-section scar. The worse part about it was that you didn't come by yourself; you had your infamous posse: low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts and negativity. You'd follow me on my way to and from school, sneak in my room and watch me sleep, and I think there were even a few times where you even interfered while I would be out having a good time with my friends. You managed to turn some of the highlights of my life into negatives because I didn't know how to tell you to get your own life and leave mine the hell alone.

You've caused me to cut, destroy, scream, cry, run; there was even a point in my life where I felt like you wouldn't go away, so if you wouldn't leave then I should....

A few months shy of 22 years of age, I'm writing this short letter to you to tell you that I need the following things sent back to me: my joy, courage, positivity and happiness. I've been so scared of you and too intimidated by you to tell you how I feel, but not anymore. I'm through with that and I'm through with you.

It's time I take my identity back, and I'm sorry for ever letting you take it in the first place.

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- DB

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